You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Houston, we have a blender
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
