I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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