Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
