It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
