I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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