Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
