I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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