So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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