Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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