I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
