I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
