we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
