remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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