all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
