You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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