took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
