I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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