Define "chronic" masturbator.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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