Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
