I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
