Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
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You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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