i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
