That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
