Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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