I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
