I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize