i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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