I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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