it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
