I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
