Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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