omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
