omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
