Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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