You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He better not be in your backpack
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
