The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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