I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
