I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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