He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
