Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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