butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
