I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
