If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
