What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
