Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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