its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
