Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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