Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
