I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
