Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize