whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
