There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
