Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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