If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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