Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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