hell yes lets make some ravioli
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
