And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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