Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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