3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
