So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
