I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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