Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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