You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
