I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
