So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
