Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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