I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
