so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
