after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
