I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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