just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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