I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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