I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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