I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
