she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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