I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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