he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
