I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
