I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize