there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
