I'm lost and stupid without you.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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